If there is one thing I cannot stand it’s bugs. (That’s kind of a lie, I can’t stand a lot of things . . .)
Insects are just the absolute worst–they’re the worst! Tiny little pests invading your home. Crawling all over your wall. Underneath your bed. On you dresser. In your bathtub. Is nothing sacred anymore!
What do I need to do to get my message across? Should I leave my mark of bug guts every time I smash one with my dad’s slipper? Let it be known to all bugs who pass here, you will not leave alive. Existence is futile!
Ok, so I’m venting a little.
Here I am this gigantic person screaming and yelling at a 3 cm insect. I see nothing wrong with this picture.
Lately, I’ve been finding these little black bugs with a red stripe on their body crawling around my house like they own they place. The nerve of them!
But, seriously, they’re everywhere. I’m pretty sure one fell out of my hair and into the toilet.
Please don’t judge me. I’m clean. I swear.
I didn’t know what species of insect they were, so I did a very scientific google search, “little black bug with red striped body”–something to that extent. I found out these little devils call themselves Boxelder Bugs.
Wikipedia tells me that their excrement stains clothes, curtains and other fabrics. The scoundrels! Trying to smear poop stains on my clothes–I will not stand for this. I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.
I’ve caught them creeping across the floor trying to be sneaky. They think I won’t notice them if they stop dead in their tracks. Oh, but I see you, Boxelder. I see you.
I generally grab the nearest shoe (that isn’t mine) and smack it over the bug 3-4 times. I just like to know for sure that it’s dead. Then I crush the carcass in a bundle of toilet paper/kleenex (I grab a sizable amount because I hate feeling the body between the paper), and I toss it in the toilet to flush or in a garbage can (that isn’t located in my room).
I don’t know where they came from. It was like all of a sudden they apparated into my house–the entire Boxelder race.
Well, in any case, these bugs have got to go. I’m proclaiming war on boxelders–it’s a real thing. This is a very serious problem that we have on our hands. I’m just doing my civic duty: making the world a better place, one bug at a time.