Bug Off Already

If there is one thing I cannot stand it’s bugs. (That’s kind of a lie, I can’t stand a lot of things . . .)

Insects are just the absolute worst–they’re the worst! Tiny little pests invading your home. Crawling all over your wall. Underneath your bed. On you dresser. In your bathtub. Is nothing sacred anymore!



What do I need to do to get my message across? Should I leave my mark of bug guts every time I smash one with Β my dad’s slipper? Let it be known to all bugs who pass here, you will not leave alive. Existence is futile!

Ok, so I’m venting a little.

Here I am this gigantic person screaming and yelling at a 3 cm insect. I see nothing wrong with this picture.

Lately, I’ve been finding these little black bugs with a red stripe on their body crawling around my house like they own they place. The nerve of them!

But, seriously, they’re everywhere. I’m pretty sure one fell out of my hair and into the toilet.

Gross.

Please don’t judge me. I’m clean. I swear.

I didn’t know what species of insect they were, so I did a very scientific google search, “little black bug with red striped body”–something to that extent. I found out these little devils call themselves Boxelder Bugs.

Wikipedia tells me that their excrement stains clothes, curtains and other fabrics. The scoundrels! Trying to smear poop stains on my clothes–I will not stand for this. I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.

I’ve caught them creeping across the floor trying to be sneaky. They think I won’t notice them if they stop dead in their tracks. Oh, but I see you, Boxelder. I see you.

I generally grab the nearest shoe (that isn’t mine) and smack it over the bug 3-4 times. I just like to know for sure that it’s dead. Then I crush the carcass in a bundle of toilet paper/kleenex (I grab a sizable amount because I hate feeling the body between the paper), and I toss it in the toilet to flush or in a garbage can (that isn’t located in my room).

I don’t know where they came from. It was like all of a sudden they apparated into my house–the entire Boxelder race.

Well, in any case, these bugs have got to go. I’m proclaiming war on boxelders–it’s a real thing. This is a very serious problem that we have on our hands. I’m just doing my civic duty: making the world a better place, one bug at a time.

Cheers!
–L

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23 thoughts on “Bug Off Already

    • I’m glad it was helpful! That was definitely not the intent, but maybe now you know some new techniques to getting rid of the little buggers πŸ™‚ I’m mostly glad that you were entertained–thanks! That makes me excited to write more.

  1. These are great! And, I completely agree on those sneaky bastards. The bigger the bug, the more likely I’m going to use Windex, so I don’t have to get close to the bug. Your drawings are awesome!

    • Windex–that’s brilliant. I should try it some time. You know what could also work? Wasp spray; that thing has like a 50 foot shooting range.

    • I write first–I’m more of a writer than I am a drawer (I don’t know if you can tell by the stick figurines). I think if I just drew anything, my words would be all garbled and in gibberish. Thanks for reading!

  2. Okay, this post had me laughing so hard I even got a few tears! The “what are you doing in MY house” picture just got me, oh my goodness, so perfect!!! Good luck with eliminating them!

    • I don’t even know what a vole is, but it sounds awful. (Mainly because you said it was a problem). Haha! I just envisioned a person using a fireplace poker as a fencing sword (I know they have real names, but I don’t know them right now). “En gard!” Please tell me this was your technique πŸ™‚

  3. Sometimes when there are so many bugs that I squish, I end up leaving the guts there for other bugs to find them. And then I stand over them and yell “How do you like that, huh?! You wanna end up like your buddies?!” Then I go all Donkey Kong on their asses.

    Wait. Do bugs have asses?

    • You know, I think they do. Spiders especially . . . arachnids . . . aren’t the huge bulbous bottoms their butts? Bugs. Just. So. Gross. Way to go on your bug slaying prowess, though! Applause all around.

  4. :O omg i totally get what your going through thos things have been coming in my house and scaring the beejeebers out of my lil bro >.< and those bugs are so annoying! Once they got on the ceiling and almost fell on me!

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